What nobody tells you
- Being five minutes early consistently reads as far more competent than being exactly on time — arriving right at the start can feel rushed to others.
- Written communication (email, chat) is scrutinized and saved in a way spoken conversation isn't — tone and clarity matter more there than people realize.
- Formality norms differ hugely by industry and region — what's standard in law or finance can look stiff in a startup, and vice versa.
The basics
- A firm handshake, direct eye contact, and using someone's name when introduced are near-universal Western business norms, though norms vary elsewhere (bowing, cheek kisses, business card rituals).
- Meeting etiquette basics: arrive early, come prepared, don't check your phone, and follow up in writing afterward with agreed next steps.
- Email etiquette: a clear subject line, a direct ask in the first two lines, and a professional but not overly stiff tone.
The framework
Match the room's formality, don't set your own
Rather than applying a fixed personal style, read the specific room, company, or culture you're in and calibrate your formality to match theirs.
- 01
Observe first: how do senior people in this room dress, speak, and address each other?
- 02
Match, don't exceed: being noticeably more formal or casual than the room draws unwanted attention.
- 03
Adjust by context: a client pitch and an internal team standup can have very different norms within the same company.
The playbook
The conversation — what to actually say
Meeting a senior stakeholder for the first time
“It's great to finally meet you — I've heard a lot about the work your team's been doing on this.”
Disagreeing with a colleague's proposal in a meeting
“I see the logic here, and I think the timeline concern is real — I'd push back on the budget assumption specifically, though.”
Following up after a meeting
“Great meeting today — just to confirm, I'll have the draft to you by Friday and you'll loop in legal by Wednesday.”
The mistakes — what people get wrong
- Checking your phone visibly during a meeting — it's read as disengagement regardless of intent.
- Being overly casual too fast with senior stakeholders or new clients before the relationship warrants it.
- Sending emails with no clear ask, forcing the recipient to guess what action is needed.
- Assuming your home country's business norms (directness, hierarchy, small talk expectations) apply everywhere, especially in international dealings.
Ask yourself
- Have I actually prepared for this meeting, or am I planning to wing it?
- Does my formality level match the room I'm in, or my personal default?
- Is the ask in my last email actually clear to the person reading it?
Go deeper
- Book
Never Eat Alone — Keith Ferrazzi
Practical, relationship-focused business etiquette beyond the formal rules.
- Practice
Observe a senior colleague's meeting behavior deliberately once
Watching how someone experienced handles formality and follow-up teaches faster than any guide.
- Article
Industry-specific etiquette norms
Search for norms specific to your field — finance, tech, law, and creative industries genuinely differ.
General educational information, not legal, tax, medical, or financial advice. Rules vary by country and change over time — verify with a qualified professional before acting.