What nobody tells you
- Vague criticism ('be more proactive') is nearly useless — people can't act on what they can't picture.
- Most people remember how criticism was delivered longer than the content of the criticism itself.
- Criticism given too long after the fact loses most of its usefulness because the context has faded.
The basics
- Criticism should target a specific behavior and its concrete impact, not a general trait or character judgment.
- Timing matters — close to the event while it's still fresh and actionable, not months later.
- Ending with a clear, specific ask for what to do differently makes criticism far more usable than a verdict alone.
The framework
Behavior, Impact, Ask
Describe the specific behavior you observed, its concrete impact, then a specific request for what to do differently.
- 01
Behavior: what specifically happened, described neutrally.
- 02
Impact: what effect it had, on you, the team, or the outcome.
- 03
Ask: exactly what you'd like to see instead going forward.
The playbook
The conversation — what to actually say
Giving feedback to a direct report
“In yesterday's client call, a couple of the numbers weren't double-checked beforehand, which put us in an awkward spot. Going forward, can we do a quick pass together before client calls?”
Giving feedback to a peer
“Hey, when you jumped in during my presentation, I lost my train of thought a couple times — could we agree on a signal for holding questions till the end?”
Opening a hard piece of feedback
“I want to share something that might be a little uncomfortable, because I think it'll help — is now an okay time?”
The mistakes — what people get wrong
- Sandwiching criticism between so much praise that the actual point gets lost.
- Giving feedback in the heat of the moment, before you've cooled down enough to be specific rather than sharp.
- Making it about character ('you're careless') instead of behavior ('this specific thing happened').
- Giving feedback with no actionable next step, leaving them with a verdict but no direction.
Ask yourself
- Am I describing a specific behavior, or a general character trait?
- Have I given them something concrete to do differently?
- Is this the right time and setting, or am I about to do this publicly or too late to matter?
Go deeper
- Book
Radical Candor — Kim Scott
The core framework of caring personally while challenging directly.
- Practice
The behavior-impact-ask script
Write out your next piece of feedback in this three-part structure before delivering it.
- Exercise
Feedback timing audit
Note how long you typically wait to give feedback, and try cutting that time in half.
General educational information, not legal, tax, medical, or financial advice. Rules vary by country and change over time — verify with a qualified professional before acting.