What nobody tells you
- Without a prenup, your state or country's default marital property laws decide the split for you — 'not having a prenup' isn't neutral, it's opting into someone else's default rules.
- A prenup signed the night before the wedding, under pressure, is exactly the kind of prenup a court is most likely to throw out later.
- Prenups aren't only for the wealthy — they're commonly used to protect a business, inheritance, premarital savings, or to clarify debt responsibility for either partner.
The basics
- A prenup generally cannot dictate child custody or child support in advance — those are decided based on the child's best interest at the time, not a prior agreement.
- Full financial disclosure by both parties is typically required for a prenup to be enforceable — hiding assets can void the whole agreement later.
- Each partner generally needs their own independent lawyer for a prenup to hold up in court — one lawyer representing 'both' partners is a common way agreements get invalidated.
The framework
Disclosure, independence, time
Courts generally look at three things when deciding whether to enforce a prenup: was there full financial disclosure, did each side have independent legal advice, and was there enough time to review it without pressure?
- 01
Disclosure: both partners' full financial pictures were shared honestly before signing.
- 02
Independence: each partner had their own lawyer, not a shared one.
- 03
Time: the agreement was signed with real time to review, not rushed days before the wedding.
The playbook
Words they use without explaining
- Postnuptial agreement
- Similar to a prenup, but signed after the marriage has already begun.
- Marital property
- Assets and debts acquired during the marriage, generally subject to division on divorce under default law.
- Separate property
- Assets owned before the marriage or excluded by agreement, generally not subject to division.
The conversation — what to actually say
Raising the topic with a partner for the first time
“I'd like us to consider a prenup — not because I doubt us, but because I want us to decide this together, calmly, instead of leaving it to default law if things ever went sideways.”
A partner feels hurt or suspicious about the request
“This isn't about planning for us to fail. It's the same instinct as getting insurance — protecting something by planning for the unlikely, not expecting it.”
Explaining why separate lawyers are necessary
“For this to actually be fair and enforceable, we each need our own lawyer. That protects both of us, not just one side.”
The mistakes — what people get wrong
- Signing a prenup drafted by only one partner's lawyer with no independent review — courts often invalidate these.
- Waiting until days before the wedding, which can be used as evidence of coercion later.
- Assuming a prenup covers child-related matters — most jurisdictions won't enforce custody or child support terms decided years in advance.
Ask yourself
- Do I know what my state or country's default rules would do with our assets without a prenup?
- Am I bringing this up with enough time for it to be a calm, thorough process rather than a rushed one?
- Is there a specific asset, business, or debt situation I actually need to protect or clarify?
Go deeper
- Professional
A family law attorney in your jurisdiction
Prenup enforceability rules vary significantly by state and country.
- Concept
Your jurisdiction's default marital property law
Understand what happens without an agreement before deciding you don't need one.
- Practice
A joint financial disclosure worksheet
A useful starting point before the first lawyer meeting.
General educational information, not legal, tax, medical, or financial advice. Rules vary by country and change over time — verify with a qualified professional before acting.