Relationships · A long conversation, repeated

How to choose a partner well

“Compatibility is not a precondition of love; it is an achievement of love.”

Attraction is a poor screening tool on its own. Look at how someone handles conflict, money, repair and boredom — the things that make up most of a shared life.

We're taught how to be chosen and almost nothing about how to choose.

The playbook

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The mistakes — what people get wrong

Confusing intensity with intimacy; anxiety and excitement share a heartbeat.
Choosing someone as a project. Adults change only for themselves.

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